EL, Berlin, 10-26-'09
An esoteric who meditates and is approached by things from outside
could ask: Would this have happened to me if I hadn't become an
esoteric? An esoteric should make it his duty to observe life and
himself very intimately. The fact that he has set out on this path
should stand at the center of his life, for him, for he is a small
center of spiritual life, and this radiates out into his environment
— more of less unconsciously for him — and brings about
the things that approach him. Through his higher development, a pupil
leaves his lower self that connects him with the outer world alone
— at least for a short time. During meditation he leaves it to
itself and qualities that we thought we had overcome already crawl out
from all corners of our nature and can make us worse if we don't keep
ourselves under firm control. Certain exercises have been given us to
support us here, in addition to our meditations.
As you know, everything runs cyclically, and this is also true of
development. If we begin an esoteric training now, then after seven
years all kinds of qualities that were slumbering in us can emerge
strongly and set one back. But this can't happen if a man pays enough
attention to himself, his life and his surroundings.
Anyone who has a hidden opposition to his teacher will find that this
feeling soon breaks through and adversely influences the effect of
meditation. In an esoteric's daily meditations he should keep it in
mind that he's mainly trying to get through to his higher self, and he
should reflect on what this higher self is. He shouldn't think that
he's supposed to bring something to this higher self — he should
have an expectant attitude towards him and expect everything from him.
Usually there are three ways in which it approaches a pupil on his
path. The first way is a rather flitting one and it requires the
attentiveness that an esoteric should have for all things. Namely,
this is in a dream, and what happens there is what one calls a
doubling of the I. For instance, one has a problem or wants to do
something. Then someone appears to one in a dream who tells one what
to do or who solves the problem, one who is better and cleverer than
oneself. One should pay attention to such dreams. Then in the course
of development it may happen in helpless moments or at times when one
has made a decision that one hears a quiet voice that, for instance,
advises one not to do what one has decided on. It's often a decision
that one has made with the best knowledge and conscience, and if one
follows the voice that nevertheless advises against it, it may seem as
if one has done the wrong thing, but in by far the most cases, one
will immediately notice that one did the right thing in following the
voice. Now, if one practices paying attention to this, one will notice
that one has something in one that's higher than one's own reason,
that's cleverer than one is oneself. And the third time that one
confronts one's higher self is a very important and sacred one. This
is during meditation. One will only unite with him for short moments
there. But to attain this, one must silence one's whole lower nature.
We must eliminate everything that fills us with antipathy or petty
feelings for the world and life. In observing himself, a pupil must
always keep the polarity law in mind, that is, if he has a bad quality
and wants to get rid of it, he must also look for the opposite quality
in himself. It's certainly there. The presence of one quality
definitely conditions the existence of the opposite one, whether one
believes it or not, and this must be eradicated — then the other
one also disappears. For instance, if one feels then there's also the
polar hate in one, be it ever so hidden, and one has to drive this
out. Then the fear disappears by itself. The higher self will only
unite with us if such qualities are eradicated in meditational
moments.
This union with the higher self is beautifully depicted in the saga of
Lohengrin and Elsa. Lohengrin comes to save Elsa, to unite himself
with her. Distrust, a negative quality is sown in her soul, and the
higher self, Lohengrin, must withdraw to higher worlds, can't unite
with her.
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