94. EL, Hannover, 12-31-'11
Today
we'll ask ourselves what we learned through our exoteric study
of theosophy. At least theoretically the answer will be that
we've become aware that the whole world and our physical body
is maya or illusion. At least we assume this theoretically, and it
more or less remains a hypothesis for us. But when we begin an
esoteric training this acceptance of a mere hypothesis should
increasingly become a truth. We should become deeply aware that we
don't really have a firm ground in which we can take root that
we only live on the surface of the foaming sea of life, that we never
dive down into the real sea of reality, and that therefore
we're always a plaything for illusions. Those who want to tread
an esoteric path should and must arrive at this insight A certain
feeling of despair, fear, and being abandoned will arise in most of
them. The fear will be like that of someone standing at the edge of
an abyss. Despair and forlornness will envelop a budding esoteric,
because all the supports he thought he had in life will fall away
from him like maya or illusion. His God seems to be torn away from
him, because he only sees the false and delusive things in creation;
this knowledge can make an atheist out of him.
And why
must we tread this path, why must we look deep into the world of
illusion, why have the Gods placed us in this unreal world? For they
could have given us true reality instead of this play of life's
wave on the surface. We'll see later that it's wise and
good that the world is maya, illusion. If everything was true
reality, we wouldn't look for truth and perfection any more. We
couldn't develop any capacities, and since there wouldn't
be anything wrong, no vices could exist. So we couldn't acquire
virtues, we couldn't develop freely at all. Since we would
always be living in the active, ruling Godhead, we'd never have
an opportunity to freely dive down into the depths of reality, or to
look for real knowledge. We would stop looking for God.
“Looking for God” has a deep biblical meaning that one
can only understand esoterically. After creating for six days, God
rested on the seventh day. God had been active during the
recapitulations of Saturn, Sun and Moon evolution, and he rested on
the seventh day, after the world had been created. Then God
couldn't be found anymore out to the horizon of our earth
evolution. He was invisible, and this is deeply significant.
What's really divine is hidden behind visible
creation — that's the great truth that we must look for
behind sensory illusion. And since the world is illusion, it gives us
an opportunity to develop our I through all false maya so that we
shall find reality and the Gods. And what path does estoteric
training point out to us, what means does it give us so that we can
arrive at a knowledge of higher worlds faster than a man in everyday
life? It gives us certain concentration and meditation exercises
through which the soul forces in us can be awakened and that would
otherwise remain slumbering in us for a long time yet. I want to
emphasize that a pupil shouldn't go on this path out of blind
confidence in his teacher or out of a blind reverence for him,
because that would be the completely wrong way. He should use his own
intellect in everything he does, and he shouldn't let other
people think for him. He should test everything including
what's connected with his exercises and meditation. When
he's immersed in meditation, he shouldn't think that it
has a suggestive effect, for that would be an entirely wrong
assumption. They can't have a suggestive effect because
they're put together in such a way that anyone can arrive at
the imagination to which the exercises only point. Let's look
at the meditation: In pure rays of light … what could have
a suggestive effect here, since the content indicates something
unreal? For anybody who says this knows that the Godhead can't
be found in light rays. The exercise is like a symbol that stimulates
us to create an imaginative picture while we try to immerse our soul
in the Godhead of the world. We should let our own intellect speak ad
not act out of blind faith. It's better to remain in doubt
until we arrive at a knowledge of the truth through our own efforts.
Someday we'll get to that point.
And
what's the other unavoidable experience one has by faithfully
doing the exercises? It's a splitting of the personality.
A man
will begin to feel as if something was accompanying him, something
that thinks and hears with him and even speaks with him if he's
inwardly weak. It's a second ego that emerges, a doppelganger
that one has placed outside one. The more seriously someone treads
the esoteric path, the more of his old man he places outside him,
that is, he sheds one skin after another like a snake. These skins
become like a second body, a doppelganger who never leaves one again
for the rest of one's life. In the old Egyptian mysteries
someone who had placed his double outside him was called a kha man.
The double is chained to the kha man to constantly remind him what he
was or still is. That's not always a pleasant feeling. But the
awareness that he always has his double with him will remind him of
his defects and that he should improve himself. He should constantly
feel this presence, otherwise things would get dangerous, and because
of his many, high ideals and intentions, he would forget what his
inner life and defects are. Under certain circumstances it could even
endanger a high initiate's life if in spite of his high
striving he would forget this double for even a moment. He could
actually lose his physical body through death, somewhat like one
who's concentrating on a sublime problem, forgets to pay
attention to traffic and gets run over. The more the double appears
the better it is for our development, for otherwise, we would be
living under great delusions about ourself. For we can't see
the progress we've made; only our teacher can. Let's
recall the place in the story of creation where the Elohim had
ascended to the sun after they created man. It was only there that
they could judge their work: “And the Elohim saw everything
that they had made and behold it was very good.” They had
attained perfection and that's why they could judge their work.
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