119. EL, Berlin, 11-8-'12
After
much exercising a man may have the feeling that he hasn't
gotten further in his experience of the spiritual world. But this may
be based on an error. It may be that one notices nothing during or
after meditation, but then it can happen that when one goes back to
one's customary duties and doesn't become entirely
absorbed by outer work, one suddenly has the feeling: Something is
thinking in me now.
It also
often happens that a meditator goes to sleep while he's doing
his retrospect, but when he reawakens and tries to follow up what
happened in him in the meantime he'll often be able to find
that the retrospect was continued. It's important to feel that.
It doesn't contradict what was always said to the effect that
we mustn't give any value to what happens without the ego. For
when we recall it, we incorporate it into the ego.
One who
has had such experiences can be permeated by the consciousness in
special moments: It thinks — it's not me who thinks, but it
thinks, and namely: It thinks me. Esoterically this is the same thing
that was expressed exoterically in the words: In your thinking, world
thoughts live.
At any
spare moment in daily life one can permeate oneself with the thought,
It thinks me, even if it's only for a few seconds: the thought
that what otherwise appears to me as “I” was created by
world thoughts through their thinking — that also my ego-feeling
is a thought that thinks me. But this thought should never arise
without being accompanied by a particular feeling. A man standing in
the outer world thinks it's all right to think anything, but
esoterics know that there are certain thoughts that shouldn't
be thought if they're not accompanied by the appropriate
feelings. The feeling that should accompany “It thinks
me” is piety. We only think this thought in the right way if we
connect it with this feeling. An esoteric should consider it to be
his greatest sin if he can have the thought, It thinks me, without
the feeling of piety.
An
esoteric can get another awareness in connection with the words: In
your will world beings are working. This can be transformed in him
into the thought: It works me. The way that all forces stream
together to work a human being, the way that a man is composted of
past and future — all of this is in, It works me. Here,
too, this must never be thought without being accompanied by a
certain feeling, the feeling of reverence for the beings who create
men.
What
we've made out of ourself through our karma bumps into what
higher beings have brought about in us. A man should never forget
that no matter what may hit him, it's brought about by himself,
just as he is the one who closes a door.
These
are mighty mantras: It thinks me, It works me — and those
who are the furthest ahead on the esoteric path are those who could
permeate themselves the most at every moment of their lives with
It thinks me, It works me, and always let these two be
accompanied by the corresponding feelings.
Someone
who has practiced It works me like this for years will get
something like a present for it, as for instance when someone says:
“It's raining,” where one feels the spiritual
forces that are connected with the rain and work in rain.
Another
feeling can come to someone who develops himself like this, a feeling
that's connected with the third mantra: In your feeling world,
forces are weaving. This is the feeling: It weaves
me — and namely one feels that just as world thoughts think
the thoughts of our ego, so world forces weave our higher I.
Therefore, the feeling that should always be connected with this is
that of thankfulness.
It's possible that meditation on the words: It thinks me, It
weaves me, It works me, in succession, connected with the
feelings of piety, thankfulness, and reverence, will replace all
other meditations and will by themselves lead one into the spiritual
world.
However, great help is given by what we receive from theosophy, when
we study what is said there about the Saturn, Sun and Moon
conditions, for then we can understand what the “it' is
in: It thinks me. It's theosophy; that's what this
it is. Theosophy is the world thoughts that thought me as an
I. This also sheds light on our verse and on the feelings that we
should cultivate there. We're not always able to have these
feelings of piety, thankfulness or trust, and reverence that should
accompany the Ex Deo nascimur, In Christo morimur, Per Spiritum
Sanctum reviviscimus — but it's only when we connect
these feelings with the verse that we're using it in the right
way.
|